Why don't you just eat it Part 2

I now present to you the second chapter of the best restaurants in the city.

Wai Ying
Benavides St., Binondo

CUISINE TYPE : Chinese
RESTAURANT HOURS : 10am-2am, everyday
PRICE RANGE : $
CROWD : Dito ka makakakita ng mga totoong miyembro ng Chinese
community, yuppies in the area
PARKING : Street parking. Mas maigi pang maglakad.
PAYMENT MODES : Cash
TRY THE FOLLOWING: White Chicken (steamed chicken served with ginger sauce)
Peking Duck (roasted duck served with Peking sauce)
Beef Noodle
Pork Siomai

Le Ching Tea House
Greenhills Shopping Center

CUISINE TYPE : Chinese
RESTAURANT HOURS : 10am-9pm, everyday
PRICE RANGE : $
CROWD : Yuppies, families
PARKING : Mall parking
PAYMENT MODES : Cash
TRY THE FOLLOWING: Spareribs Rice (steamed spareribs with rice)
Wanton Noodle Soup

For authentic Chinese food, dito lang kayo pupunta sa dalawang restaurants na ‘to. Pati yung ambience alam na alam mong nasa loob ka ng Chinese restaurant. Wai Ying is one of the best places to go to in Binondo while Le Ching is a great shift from the urbanities of the Greenhills area. Sa sobrang mura dito, kahit mag-tig-isang dimsum pa kayo ayos lang.

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Bubba Gump
Greenbelt 3

CUISINE TYPE : American
RESTAURANT HOURS : 12nn – 12mn, everyday
PRICE RANGE : $$ - $$$
CROWD : Yuppies, families, dating couples
PARKING : Mall parking
PAYMENT MODES : Cash, Card
TRY THE FOLLOWING : Forrest’s Bucket-o-trash (shrimp, breaded fish fillet, squid,
fries, and different kinds of dip))
Shrimp and Artichokes

Like Friday’s, the walls of Bubba Gump is a visual fiesta of American culture. The only difference is, it’s inspired by the movie Forrest Gump. From the menu to the table décor, it all connects to the movie.

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Myrna’s Bulalo
Tomas Morato, Quezon City

CUISINE TYPE : Filipino
RESTAURANT HOURS : 12nn – 12am, everyday
PRICE RANGE : $
CROWD : Yuppies, celebrities from the nearby TV networks
PARKING : In front of the restaurant
PAYMENT MODES : Cash
TRY THE FOLLOWING : Bulalo
Green Salad
Chicharon Bulaklak

Lutong-bahay talaga rito, specialties ni Mommy Myrna ang makakain mo dito, and I should know dahil kaibigan ko si Reggie na anak niya. Expect to have hot bulalo soup right after ordering. Aside from the best food ever, you can entertain yourself reading the autographed plates donned on the walls. Wag kayong kakain ng tanghalian kung plano niyo kumain ng hapunan sa Myrna’s dahil matutukso kayong orderin lahat. Siguruhin niyo lang na umorder kayo ng bottomless pineapple juice para ma-neutralize yung mga sebong siguradong mamumuo sa mga ugat niyo. But just the same, this is the best bulalo I’ve tasted.

This is great for parody

It never fails.

Every time I go to government offices it’s always been painfully amusing.

WHERE : LAND TRANSPORTATION OFFICE, Mandaluyong City Hall
NATURE OF VISIT : To redeem my confiscated license. I drove through a red light in a school zone.

It had been 23 days after the confiscation of my license and I was sweating through the eyebrows. Akala ko kakasuhan na ako ng LTO dahil nabasa ko dun sa ticket na kapag di mo nakuha yung lisensya mo after 15 days, appropriate charges will be filed against me.

Walang masyadong tao dun sa opisina. May mga tao sa labas na naghihintay tawagin, sa loob may mga upuan na pinaghihintayan din. Nilagay ko yung tiket ko sa counter at naupo.

Napansin ko may banner sa may Releasing. May malaking “SERVICE WITH A SMILE J” kang mababasa. Pero kung oobserbahan mo ang mga tao dun, para silang may naaamoy na mabaho tuwing may papasok sa pintuan. Ang susungit nila sa lahat. Nakakaawa na nga yung iba dahil sinisinghalan talaga nila. Para bang kapag ni-release nila ang lisensya mo, utang na loob mo sa kanila. Eh lintek, babayaran mo naman ang penalty mo.

Pero in fairness, mabait sila sa akin. I even expected to explain myself to their director or whoever about why it took me so long to get my license pero pinagbayad lang ako ng limang daan. Ewan ko kung bakit. Siguro dahil mataba ako.

WHERE : NATIONAL STATISTICS OFFICE, Pasig City Hall
NATURE OF VISIT : To file for an authenticated birth certificate

The NSO in the Pasig City Hall is located at the annex. In fairness, di ka maliligaw dahil may mga signs sa building leading you to the different offices. Di nakakalito.

Ang nakakalito, pagdating mo mismo sa NSO. You’ll see signs all over the place. Signs, signs, signs. Napakaraming signs. Wala naming maitulong.

Pero kung ang paguusapan eh ang pagfafile mo ng mga iba’t ibang klase ng certificate, di ka maguguluhan. Birth, Marriage, Death Registries are properly marked kaya tanga nalang ang magpapa-rehistro ng kapanganakan sa Death records.

Tulad ng sa LTO, ang susungit pa rin ng mga tao. Chaka matatanda na. Eh ang sakin naman, wala naman dahilan para magsungit bakit ka magsusungit? Akala ko pa naman mababait sila dahil yung sandamakmak nilang mga kartolinang may nakasulat na “Step 1 Step 2,” lahat yun iba-ibang kulay at mantakin mo, puro neon colors. Para bang ang saya saya ng buhay para sa kanila.

WHERE : DEPARTMENT OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS MAIN
NATURE OF VISIT : To apply for a passport

We sought the help of a travel agency for this. Buti nalang, kasi pagdating naming dun, napakahaba ng pila.

Ganon pala kapag may kasama kang travel agent. Mabilis lang. Dadaan ka sa eskinita, tapos andun ka na sa verification signature thumb marking chennelyn.

Natural, parang dun sa mga nakaraang sangay ng gobyerno, ang aasim parin ng mga tao dito. Chaka kung matatanda na ang nasa NSO, ay, ibahin mo ang nasa DFA. Mga inugatan na. At, nakow, mas masusungit.

Kung bagong dating ka, uupo ka sa third row. Kung ubos na ang nasa second row na mga taong naghihintay, anong gagawin mo? Diba sa normal na pila tatayo kayong lahat ng nasa pangatlong bench para lumipat sa pangalawang upuan? Palatandaan yun na umaandar ang pila niyo. Kaya lang dito sa DFA hindi ka gagalaw kung makita mong umandar na yung mga nauuna sayo. Ginawa naming yun ng kapatid ko. Puta binulyawan pa kami.

“SINO NAGSABI SA INYONG TUMAYO KAYO DIYAN SA UPUAN NIYO?!”

Madam! Easy!

I actually look forward to going to government offices. I don’t mind the long queues. It’s a mirthful experience in itself: people-watching, “accidentally” eavesdropping on amusing conversations. You’ll be surprised at how business in government offices mirror and draw a caricature of our lives that is distinctly Filipino.

Nakakalungkot makita na sa tatlong opisinang napuntahan ko, wala akong nakitang mga ka-edad ko na empleyado. Tantya ko, lahat ng mga nandun nasa minimum of 10 years of service na. Pero nakakabilib din na magkaron ka ng drive para pagtiyagaan ang isang trabahong nababansagan kang corrupt at napapairal ng prinsipyo ng red tape. Palagay ko, bayani rin silang matatawag.

Sa tingin ko, naghahanap lang ng inspirasyon sina Mister and Miss Government Worker. Di mo rin sila masisi. Nakakainis din naman talaga kung sa araw-araw na ginawa ng Poong Maykapal eh haharap ka sa mga taong naka-sando / naka-tsinelas / di pa nakakapag-toothbras / amoy sopa, eh talaga namang magiinit ang ulo mo. Nakakatawa kasi ang ibang mga kababayan natin. GOVERNMENT OFFICE ang pupuntahan natin. Ang mga taong naroroon, nagbibigay ng serbisyo sa atin. The least we could do is dress appropriately and give them that kind of respect.

Pero yung mga opisyal at mga empleyado na kurakot? Putangina. Baka duraan ko pa sila.

I feel like i'm in a musical

Sometimes when you turn your back on some events in your life they run after you and bite you in the ass.

I’m proud of myself. I left my old job with confidence up to the brim. In less than a month I got a job with another real estate firm. Not too shabby for someone like me.

Pero alam mo, tatlong linggo palang ako dito sa bago kong trabaho pero parang tatlong taon na akong alipin ng kumpanya. Ang hirap ng trabaho. Sa mga dati kong trabaho, puro ako legwork. Halos hindi ginagamitan ng utak (unless you count copywriting, scriptwriting, reports, presentations). Di mo rin naman masasabing petix lang ako sa mga naging trabaho ko. Dahil di rin naman biro ang mga ginawa ko dati. Pero dito?

Ang main computer application na gamit namin ay Excel. Eh tangina di naman talaga ako marunong ng Excel eh. Nilalagay ko lang yun sa resume kasi sa halos lahat ng resume na nabasa ko kasama yun sa mga software na bihasa ang mga tao.

Syempre kapag sinabing Excel, may computation. Ang kino-compute eh mga percentage ng sales, mga gross reservation, mga modal payment, mga budget ng event. Nakamputch. Kaya nga ako nag-masscom para ang gagawin kong trabaho balang araw eh walang math.

I find myself lying awake for hours every night just thinking about my life. What is my purpose, really? What should I do? Did I leave a job where I had Satan for a boss but otherwise loving the work I did? Pinagisipan ko ba talaga ang desisyon na tanggapin ang trabaho ko ngayon, samantalang alam na alam ko naman na sukang-suka na ako sa real estate?
Alam kong sa panahon ngayon di na ako dapat magmaganda. Buti sana kung habambuhay akong de-sustento ng magulang ko. Eh hindi. Chaka kailangan ko magka-pera by November.

Pero sa totoo lang nahihirapan talaga ako sa ginagawa ko sa bago kong trabaho. Sabi nga ng boss ko “I don’t want gophers, I don’t want people who are better executioners. I want thinkers.” At kung di raw kami thinkers, maybe we don’t belong in her team. Baka nga talagang hindi naman ako sanay sa trabahong ginagamitan ng matinding pagiisip at analysis. Alam kong magaling akong tao but I can’t stay in a job where I know I will never do extremely well in. I’ve never been a pretender, and I won’t start pretending just to enjoy my current job because I can never do this.

I’m reserved for the higher arts. Adik talaga ako sa kumpiyansa pills pero nagiging totoo lang ako. Di naman ako bumabata. I have to pursue something that makes me enjoy my life while I’m still in my prime. Minsan naiisip ko masarap bumalik sa kolehiyo eh. Ang simple lang ng buhay dun. Well it’s far more simple than being thrown headfirst into the flames of real life.

Why don't you just eat it Part 1

If you knew me, you’d know right away. I love to eat. And I know the best places to eat good food. Women my age spend their earnings on clothes. Me, I probably spend more on eating out.

Below is the first of a series of rundowns of my recommended top spots for a fiesta of the palate.

LEGEND:
$ - P0-150
$$ - P151-300
$$$ - P301-500
$$$$ - P501 ++

Countryside Restaurant and Grill
Katipunan Extension, Quezon City

CUISINE TYPE : Filipino, Grilled
RESTAURANT HOURS : 6pm-3am, everyday
PRICE RANGE : $
CROWD : Yuppies, college students, your friendly neighborhood tambays
PARKING : Street parking. A bit hazardous as the road is accessible to all
types of vehicles from motorcycles to 10-wheeler trucks
PAYMENT MODES : Cash
TRY THE FOLLOWING: Isaw, isol, tenga, barbecue (grilled specialties)
Calderetang Kambing (goat meat stew in tomato sauce,
potatoes, carrots, and olives)
Papaitan (beef fat, beef meat, intestines in sour soup)

Ikaw ang mismong mamimili ng ipapahihaw mo kay Kuya Sonny (you won’t miss him, kamukha siya ni Dolphy at siya lang ang tanging nagiihaw dun). The rice is good for 2-3 persons. They’ll serve you with service water and ice as soon as you have ordered your food. Beer is really cheap, and you can smoke whether you’re inside or by the porch. Not all the staff are friendly, though. Pero ok lang dahil masarap ang pagkain. The place is as down to earth as it can be, with a mix of the Miriam and Ateneo crowd at yung mga mababait na manong na makikita mo sa kanto ng village niyo. Walang pakialamanan dito, and you’ll find yourself sitting there for hours eating and just having a good time.

Sushi-ya
Located in almost all major shopping malls

CUISINE TYPE : Japanese
RESTAURANT HOURS : Mall hours
PRICE RANGE : $$
CROWD : Families, yuppies, young couples
PARKING : Mall parking
PAYMENT MODES : Cash, Card
TRY THE FOLLOWING: Crazy Beef Roll (Fried beef, salmon and cheese roll)
Teishoku set (any main course including rice and soup)
Salmon Teppanyaki (grilled salmon without the fishy taste)

This restaurant offers the best in affordable Japanese food. It’s better tasting, fast, and it’s real value for your money kumpara dun sa ibang Japanese restaurants na natikman ko. Plus, if you love Japanese mayonnaise, just ask from their friendly wait staff and they’ll give it to you for free. Mababait ang mga waiter dito, hindi tulad sa ibang kainan of the same concept na parang masama ang loob tuwing kakausapin ka, para bang uutangin mo ang oorderin mo.

TGI Friday’s
The Brickroad and the newly opened one in Robinsons Galleria

CUISINE TYPE : American
RESTAURANT HOURS : 10am-12am, everyday
PRICE RANGE : $$ - $$$
CROWD : Yuppies, families, dating couples
PARKING : Mall parking
PAYMENT MODES : Cash, Card
TRY THE FOLLOWING: Chicken Fingers (breaded chicken fillet served with fries,
coleslaw, and honey mustard dip)
Chicken Caesar Salad (salad served with grilled chicken on top
and bread)
Mocha Mud Pie (coffee and chocolate ice cream cake topped
with almonds and chocolate sauce)
Holiday Isle Fling (orange sherbet and vanilla ice cream slush)

Lahat ng kakaibang décor makikita mo dito sa Friday’s. Ultimo pandilig sa halaman nasa uluhan mo. American culture on display talaga, and you’ll really feel the theme. Not to mention ang mga kakaibang kasuotan ng staff nila. Kulang nalang magsabit sila ng lampara sa ibabaw ng ulo. May pa-kontest daw kasi ang management na “Most Unique In Uniform Embellishment (inimbento ko lang yang award na yan pero walang biro, may prize para sa kung sino ang may magandang disenyo ng uniform).” Try sitting at the bar and you’ll be served by the friendliest bartenders. Bawal ang pangit sa Friday’s, mind you. Halos lahat ng servers nila mga magaganda’t gwapo. Kaya dapat parati ka nakatawa dahil bawal ang masamang hilatsa ng mukha.


Spiral
The Westin Philippine Plaza, Manila

CUISINE TYPE : International
RESTAURANT HOURS : 12nn – 10pm, everyday
PRICE RANGE : $$$$
CROWD : Corporate bigshots, families
PARKING : Hotel parking. Have your parking ticket validated to pass up on
paying steep parking rates
PAYMENT MODES : Cash, Card
TRY THE FOLLOWING: Eat-all-you-can buffet

Nung unang beses kami kumain dito ng mga kaibigan ko, nagbihis talaga kami ng maganda. Buti nalang kasi lahat ng tao dun naka-postura. Nakakahiya pumila dun sa buffet nang naka-ismagol (havaianas yan ng mga chuchal).

Have your fare on the best-tasting cheeses of the world and pair them with your choice of bread at the cheese line. Mas masarap kung kakainin niyo to with your hands. Try the bleu, gruyere, and Boursin cheeses. Ikutin niyo ang buong dining floor dahil lahat ng klase ng luto andun, mula sa pagkaing pampajabar ng kilikili hanggang sa pampakiliti ng ngalangalang ice cream teppanyaki. Wag niyo kakalimutan hingin yung kasamang coffee or tea ng babayaran niyong buffet.

That’s My Pencil Cup Part 1 (Opinyon lang po mga kaibigan.)

It only takes three people to show their faces on Philippine television to tell you that the showbiz industry is going to the dogs.

Here are the top 3:

3. Vivica Raspa

There was something endearing about her when she first started her career in the music industry. The old story of the "probinsyana" making it big in the big city was a comic-tale come true for many and VR seemed to have stepped out of the comics pages herself. From being the "probinsyana" to having at least 10 movies on her resume, VR has really achieved a lot.

Siguro proud na proud si VR sa sarili niya. She reached success with her nose up high, a stomach tucked in and a chest stuck out…literally. Mula sa hair extensions, pagpapa-retoke ng ilong, hanggang sa pag-inom ng kung anu-anong gamot na may "-thion" sa pangalan ginawa niya. At sa tuwing lalabas siya sa mga shows niya, palaging nakaliyad ang suso ng hitad.

I also strongly feel na malandi siya, that she’s blissful with pleasure whenever she has to make movies with all these guys she had to play tonsil hockey with. Kung di ka ba naman malandi, lahat ng naging jowa mo either may asawa o may jowang iba. She can’t even act properly. Combine really tacky dialogue with her cheesy delivery and you got yourself a waste of money. Mabuti pang abangan mo nalang sa TV yung pelikula niya dahil maski pang-pirated DVD hindi sulit lalo na kung kasama niya sa pelikula si Robin Padilla.

Of course who would forget her latest love story? A guy married to a foreign beauty queen, the endless public displays of affection, naglalagkitang mga tingin, at ang walang humpay niyang pagwawagayway ng dibdib niya—malamang alam mo na kung sino to.

2. Astrud Kati

For someone who has prestigious schools in her transcripts, heroes for parents, and a seemingly intellectual brain, this person is extremely thick about life decisions.

Ma-in love ka daw ba sa lalaking kasing talino ng mga kuko sa paa!? May asawa’t anak, wala namang pera, bukod pa sa ron, di naman kayo magkaano-ano bubuntisin ka? How dumb can you be, falling in love with someone who doesn’t respect you one bit?

Her being head over heels with someone who brought her public mortification beyond anything else is hands down the most embarrassment one can get in her lifetime. Admitting on national television that you contacted a sexually transmitted disease from your partner is like wiping your ass with your bare hands without even a muddy puddle to wash it clean of poop.

If anybody remembers her brief relationship with this ugly so-called-actor whose the son of yet another actor-politician, buti nalang nagising siya sa katotohanan na he’s a far cry from being a good catch dahil maski itong so-called-actor na ito aminado na saging lang ang may puso.

Who would forget her current husband’s cheating on her? And her taking him back? I can’t believe anybody can be so obtuse in this day and age about a non-negotiable mistake such as cheating.

Di ko makalimutan nung nanganak siya. I accidentally switched channels and saw a feature about her "Pregnancy Diary." Andun lahat: mula sa pagkaka-admit niya hanggang sa pagkakasalin sa kanya ng dugo hanggang sa pagdalaw ng mga hindi mahahalagang tao binabanggit sa TV. And they said it was AK’s words herself in it verbatim. May tiga-sulat lang siya. I mean, who the hell cares? My God. Ateng, how self-absorbed are you?!

Her contestant-bashing and guest-humiliation on air during her shows is not considered clever wit. This shows what an uneducated sonofabitch she is. English lang kaya tunog matalino.

This only shows that stupidity cannot be learned and it’s definitely not genetic. And she’s a goddamn fine example.

1.Willie Revillame

I didn’t even bother using a code name for this ass. This guy is the worst of all hosts, living or dead.

San ka naman nakakakita ng host na kapag nagpapaliwanag ng game mechanics eh kinakain yung sinasabi niya? May P and F defect. Ang pagpronounce ng "Question" ay "Kuweyshun," "TFC (The Filipino Channel)" ay "Tsihepseeeh," Aba, eh natural parating mateteknikal yung kontestant! Ang labo kasing kausap nung host!

What’s the deal with all the screaming in his show? It is so unnecessary to raise your voice even if your show is a game/fun/exciting show. Ito kasing mga host ng Wowoweee wala namang dahilan sigawan ng sigawan. Like during the announcement of the grand winner for the first season of Pinoy Big Brother. "NENEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! YUUUU ARRRR DA BIG WINNERRRRR!!!!!" Tangina, parang parating mapuputukan ng litid sa leeg tong si Willie Revillame tuwing magsasalita siya mikropono.

Wow pare, anti-climactic.

No self-respecting adult would accept hosting jobs one cancelled show after the other. Makapal talaga mukha nitong taong to. After being banned for more than a year dahil sa kabastusan, makasuhan dahil sa stampede sa show nila, hiwalayan ng asawa dahil sa pambubugbog at makita ng buong mundo ang pangmamanyak sa mga dancers ng show, andyan parin si "Papi" (it’s what his loyal fans endearingly call him) at siguradong bukas ng tanghali mapapanood mo na naman siya sa TV.

Tapos inaway pa niya ang idol kong si Joey de Leon! Ang kapal ng mukha mo, Willie. Tama si Tito Joey, sa beerhouse ka nalang maghost!

Chaka HINDI SIYA NAKAKATAWA. Buti sana kung nakakatawa yung mukha niya kaso hindi eh. Bakit naman si Jose? Si Allan K? Si Diego? Si Micah? Si Bentong? Baka dapat manghiram si Willie ng mukha sa suwelas ng sapatos tapos wag na siya magsalita. Baka mapangisi niya ako ng kaunti. And did I mention that "Papi" meant "papable"???
Poo-TANG-ina.

I’m sure there are more incompetent, untalented, and ugly "actors/actresses." But for me, these three however, takes the cake.

Di naman ako perpekto. I don’t earn even two-thirds of what they get every payday. At least wala akong show. I just don’t understand how some people can have so little self-awareness.

Eff.