I say let them eat the cake

I've attended at least 10 weddings in my lifetime. More than half of the number i'm not in the wedding party. I don't really mind. Dressing up in a gown which four other ladies are also wearing isn't exactly a field day for me. I barely know how to put make-up on, let alone be photographed while fidgeting with a wedgie.

The fuss of being a guest and hating it aside, i really am a wedding person. I absolutely adore the concept of taking a couple's love to the next level (which is marriage and starting a family not the other "level" you're thinking of, you, pervert you!). I cry whenever i see the bride walking down the aisle and her groom smiling widely as he waits. Most of all, i love the food at the party after.

I already have an idea of what my own wedding's gonna be like. I also know who i want to marry (but i won't mention who he is coz i might jinx it). For the sake of hypothetical discussion, let me give you a rundown of some of the details:

1. First of all, i will definitely lose weight. I don't care if i don't eat. My goal is to be 110lbs on my big day.

Let's say i don't lose weight at all. Where does that leave me? Good thing i already know the perfect gown for me--plus-size or not.2. The motif will either be powder blue and black or turquoise and pink.

3. I would like to get married at the Edsa Shrine for the following reasons:

A.) I'm a member of the Lectors and Commentators Ministry there,
B.) It has guaranteed parking for the church guests,
C.) It's cheap (this means low ceremony rate-cheap). The last i heard the rate's P2,500.
D.) It's air conditioned,
E.) It has perfect audio system.

There are, however, some drawbacks:

A.) The church being a stone's throw away from the Galleria, the possibility of the ceremony losing its intimacy is pretty damn huge. Imagine people you've never seen before in your life gawking at you and you're dress, eventually launching into an indiscreet debate among themselves if you got knocked up or not.

B.) Unlike other churches, there's no balcony where your photographers and videographer can take bird's eye view shots of you walking down the aisle. Their creativity will really be put to the test here.

4. There will be none of the throwing of bouquet and garter. It's so fucking cheesy. Besides nobody wants to play those games anyway. Talk about public humiliation.

5. My groom and i will register. I will really bitch out if i open three boxes of the same plates during present time.

6. I want my husband and i to go backpacking in Europe for our honeymoon. This is my dream vacation (and my hypothetical wedding) so we'll go with whatever floats my boat.

7. I got a songlist down pat for the choir to sing.

8. I will definitely ask my friend Gina to host for my wedding. She would be perfect. She knows me and my groom very well and she's incredibly smart. It's a pity that couples hire people who are absolutely dead from the neck up. They say either useless information or too much information. And they have the gall to charge a couple of thousand pesos that once they open their mouths to "entertain" (duh!), you know that it's money down the drain for you.

Now that i've read what i wrote, i think it shouts out how desperate i am. Yeah, i'm excited...of the logistics probably. But the actual thing that comes with marriage? The package comes with something that when you think about it threatens to snatch you from your reverie and eat you alive, gown and all.

Oh and by the way, i want a hundred and fifty guests.

Thank you, spoiler alert.

As usual with nothing to do in the office (got things to do actually. Just don't want to go around doing them) i turn to the internet to keep myself busy. I Googled the following websites:

1. Crocs.com - these shoes are number one on my wishlist now. I find the butch-y designs very appealing to my fashion language. I need to have this on my KL trip

2. Cebupacificair.com - just booked tickets for Net, Jes, and myself for November 17th to the 25th. God help me.

3. Tv.com - searching for title-worthy quotes from The Office

4. Lovingyou.com - Guy Smiley and I are in a rough patch. Sad circumstances happen to the
best of us, and yet we don't know how to deal with them. Anyway whatever happens, we're friends. We always have been.

5. Harry Potter Book 7 Spoilers - i'm a spoiler addict. I don't care if you tell me how a book or a movie ends. It's not a big deal to me.

I went to this site where it had all 36 chapters of the 7th book listed down and when you click on the link, it opens to a full blown book chapter.

I curiously clicked one chapter entitled "The Locked Room." What crappy, crappy writing! JK Rowling's prose may be bad but it's not rubbish. I mean, come on, if those were the contents of the actual book, bookstores should have signs posted outside their shops warning Harry Potter fans/readers about the crapload they're gonna buy for P1,500.

I refuse to read about Harry's "growing monster north of his trousers at the sight of Ginny." I mean, have you ever seen the actress playing Ginny? The girl's a kid for crying out loud! It's like reading a trashy novel written by a drunk and horny Sydney Sheldon. Some people really suffer from Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. They want people to go nuts over something shitty and stupid. I believe people have surfed on the site many times as this was "international news." Um, hello?! You really had to see it to believe it.

If you want to see real spoilers/speculations, click here.

I'm not a big Harry Potter fan but i appreciate the cogs in Rowling's head. Writing 7 books in a span of 10 years with fans going ga-ga over characters in an overly-fictional world can do wonders for your self-esteem (and your bank account). The series is funny, exciting, endearing, and every time you finish one book, you'll be left asking "What the fuck was that about? How did that happen?" But with fan fiction about the raging hormones of these wholesome characters on the loose on the net is really insulting.

Anyway, i can't wait to go home. My sister texted me telling me about something she downloaded over the internet. It's pages 1-194 of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I wish i could Apparate my ass from this bitch of a place already.